The Green Kangaroo - Unique Wedding Invitations and Stationery

When it comes time to place your wedding invitation order, be careful in determining the actual number of invitations you need. Don’t over-buy wedding invitations! While your “headcount” is probably bouncing around in your brain as a critical number for every vendor from the ceremony site to the caterer, remember that you don’t actually need an invitation for every single wedding guest. Many, if not most, of your guests are members of the same household, which means you can double (or triple, or quadruple!) up on how many individuals a particular invite is addressed to. This translates into major savings over buying an invitation for every guest!

Circles and Dots Clutch Wedding Invitation

Here are the guidelines for determining whether or not a guest should receive their own invitation:

1. Immediate family members, living in the same household, can all be included on a family invitation.

2. However, children over the age of 18 should receive their own invitation, even if still living at their childhood home.

3. You can send a single invitation to a non-married guest who is invited to bring a date if you don’t know the date well enough to send them their own invitation. Simply pen “and guest” following the person’s name on the inner envelope.+

4. Inviting a set of roommates? Send them each their own invitation, even though they live in the same household.

Of course, you will want to order a few extra invitations to account for last minute guest list additions and several keepsakes for yourself and perhaps your parents. And most stationers will supply you with a few extra envelopes to account for addressing goofs, but it’s wise to double check this policy with your vendor. We recommend ordering 10-15 extra invitations as a standard cushion.

+Note: If you know the name of the “guest-of-your-guest,” as in a situation where you are inviting someone with a long-time boyfriend / girlfriend, it is nice to address the inner envelope to both people, even if they don’t live at the same residence. For example, you would address the outer envelope of the invitation to “Mr. Randolph Lathram” and the inner envelope “Randy and Caroline.” We prefer this practical, personal approach to wedding invitation etiquette over the somewhat impersonal choice of “and guest.”

We often receive questions from brides seeking the proper etiquette guidelines for stuffing wedding invitations. And in fact, there is a certain “protocol” for assembling your invites and placing them in the envelopes. While we always include a fully assembled sample in every order to serve as a visual reference, here are a few tips to streamline the process:

1. Layer accessory pieces from largest to smallest on top of the invitation.

2. Place your invitation with the accessory pieces into the inner envelope so that the printed side of the invitation faces the back side of the inner envelope.

Image courtesy of Invitation Advice

3. The inner envelope is inserted into the outer envelope in the same manner, with the front side of the inner envelope (with the guests’ names) facing the back side of the outer envelope.

If you keep in mind that, when a guest opens the envelopes, the printed side should always be what is seen first, this will be an easy trick to remember!

One of Melissa and Kristen’s fellow Wedding Aces posted a helpful article on navigating the etiquette of addressing some of the trickier titles when addressing your wedding invitations. See some of her helpful tips below, and click the linked photo below to read the full article on the Wedding Aces site.

Excerpted from Addressing Envelopes II: Dr., Hon., ...Esq.?

~ If both Jane & John Doe are doctors, address the envelope using either Drs. Jane and John Doe, or use their degree in their title as Jane Doe, M.D. and John Doe, Ph.D. (when using the second option, forgo the “Drs.” at the beginning.)

~ If John is a doctor, but Jane is not, the envelope could be addressed Dr. and Mrs. John Doe though if Jane is the doctor, it would be Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.

~ If Jane is a lawyer, Jane Doe, Esq. is accurate, however since a wedding is a social invitation, it may be most appropriate to address the invitation more formal and less business. When in doubt, ask the guest how they prefer to be addressed.

Don’t forget to add the wonderful Wedding Aces to your blog list so you can stay in the loop on all the fabulous wedding insider tips!

We loved this opinion piece published last week in the New York Times about the sad decline of the RSVP. Brides (im)patiently awaiting those wedding RSVPs will appreciate this author’s take on the issue!

It’s My Party, and You Have to Answer

By RAND RICHARDS COOPER

Hartford

HERE’S an etiquette experiment for you: E-mail an invitation for a party, one month out, to 45 friends. Request an R.S.V.P. Provide a follow-up e-mail message, two weeks later, politely reminding them to get back to you.

How many will?

My experiment arose from plans for an evening of food, drink and literature, with readings by myself and two other writers, at a restaurant. Not exactly a drop-in-if-you’re-around kind of thing, so I asked friends to R.S.V.P. My initial message brought in a dozen responses, and the follow-up a few more, but days before the event I had a paltry 23. Not 23 who planned to come, but 23 who had bothered to respond. Half my invitees had blown me off. Why? I wasn’t peddling life insurance, after all.

Asking around, I discovered that the phenomenon is widespread. One friend of mine e-mailed invitations to a baby shower, and a third of the recipients failed to respond. Another announced a happy hour at her house and received a dozen yeses — only to find her party besieged by 35 people.

What’s preventing us from executing this basic social task? Is it the medium? Do Evites somehow not feel like “real” invitations? Is it our busy lives, so overbooked and overwhelmed we’ve drawn up the castle gates? Don’t invite me out this month, I’m ensconced! Or is it simple rudeness? Try as I might to understand, I kept feeling dissed.

What’s clear is how hard the R.S.V.P. rubs against the grain of contemporary life. In requesting people to anchor a plan in the distant future of a month hence, you are demanding a kind of navigation that Americans increasingly do not practice. We prefer to remain flexy, solidifying our plans incrementally as the date approaches. Let’s talk tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m on the road. Cellphones in hand, we microadjust our schedules as they unfold around us. We’re like the air traffic controllers of our own lives.

It wasn’t always so. A while ago I made a lunch date with an elderly couple. As the day approached with no subsequent corroboration, I felt a strange excitement. Would all three of us just show up? We did, and I realized that what I felt was a small nostalgic thrill over social arrangements that seemed straight out of Jane Austen.

But back to my party. The day before the big event, I sent a final e-mail message, thanking “the half of you who responded for helping keep the dying art of the R.S.V.P. alive.” This irked missive flushed out a final 10 hangdog respondents. But there remained a gang of 12 — the dirty dozen, the truly hardcore, fanatical nonresponders — who couldn’t even be shamed into R.S.V.P.ing.

In the end, perhaps they were merely following the French literally: Respond, if you please. Left over from a time when graciousness couched demands as requests, the R.S.V.P. no longer functions. I therefore propose an update, something still French but a bit more … frank — the R.V.O.M.:

Répondez Vite — ou Mourez!

For those friends of mine who plead a lack of high school French, allow me to translate. Respond Quickly, or Die!

Rand Richards Cooper writes the column “Dad on a Lark” for the Web site Wondertime.

In today’s world, properly addressing an invitation is no longer as simple as adding “Mr. and Mrs.” in front of your guests’ names. Many women hold professional titles or elect to keep their maiden name upon marriage. Couples live together without ever getting married. It can be a challenge to know the appropriate manner for addressing many of the guests on your list!

I thought I would share with you a portion of a wonderful article from a business etiquette guru, Lydia Ramsey, who concisely outlines the correct way for addressing nearly every situation I could think of. If you come up with something that isn’t covered here, let us know. We love to get to the bottom of these thorny etiquette issues!

Excerpted from Lydia Ramsey’s Greeting Card Etiquette article published on The Sideroad.

• Always write titles on the envelope. The card or invitation goes to “Mr. John Smith,” not “John Smith.” It is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith,” instead of “John and Mary Smith.”

• When you address a couple, use titles, rather than professional initials. It’s “Dr. and Mrs. John Smith,” not “John Smith, M.D. and Mrs. Smith.”

• If both the husband and the wife are doctors, you write, “The Doctors Smith.” However, if they use different last names, you address the envelope to “Dr. John Smith and Dr. Mary Brown.” The husband’s name is placed first.

• If the wife is a doctor and the husband is not, you send your invitation to “Mr. John Smith and Dr. Mary Smith.”

• Try to get it all on one line. When the husband has an unusually long name, the wife’s title and name are indented and written on the second line:

The Honorable Jonathon Richardson Staniskowsky and


Mrs. Staniskowsky

• When a couple is not married and share a mutual address, their names are written on separate lines alphabetically and not connected by the word “and.”

Ms. Mary Brown


Mr. John Smith

• When the woman outranks her husband, her name is written first. It’s “Major Mary Smith and Lieutenant John Smith.”

• Note: The man’s name is always written first unless the wife outranks him or if the couple is unmarried and her last name precedes his alphabetically. So much for “Ladies first.”

The Citrus Wedding Invitation’s printed envelopes, from our Frugal Collection.

You’ve figured out the complex nuances of wording your wedding invitation, and you’re ready to submit your order (finally!). And then you’re asked something you haven’t considered: What mailing address would you like printed for the invitation’s return address and for the reply card envelope?

Brides call us frequently for help with this question, wondering what is standard, appropriate, and if using Great Aunt Harriett’s address is (or is not) okay.

Typically, whomever is hosting the wedding is the one sending out the invitations, and therefore the one who’s address should appear as the return address on the envelope. For example, if the bride’s parents are the wedding’s hosts, the bride’s parents’ mailing address would appear as the return address.

However, practically speaking, the return address is used for the postal service to return the invitation if it is undeliverable. So it makes the most sense for the return address to be that of whomever will be handling getting a correct address for the guest and sending out a new invitation. This may be the wedding’s hosts, or may often be the bride herself – or even Great Aunt Harriett! Consider how you plan to manage the mailing of invitations and base your decision on what makes the most sense for you.

For your reply card envelopes (or reply postcards), the thought process is the same. Typically, whomever is hosting the wedding is the one receiving RSVPS, and therefore the one who’s address should appear on the response card envelopes. But again, the RSVP cards should be sent back to whomever will be keeping track of guest responses. Whether this is the bride, the groom, or another family member is entirely up to those planning the wedding!

In today’s hectic and harried world, the simple courtesy of responding to an invitation seems to have, for many, fallen into the “optional” category. Such an oversight may be merely an annoyance when you’re hosting an informal weekend barbeque. But for an event the size and expense of a wedding, you’ll find that getting an accurate headcount is a necessity; both for finalizing your contracts with your vendors as well as for ensuring the smooth progress of the entire event.

Etiquette (which is a fancy word for “common courtesy!”) suggests that it is appropriate to respond to an invitation the day it is received, or at least within a few days. Knowing that few people follow this guideline, most couples opt to put a “reply by” date on their wedding invitation response cards. This strategy not only offers guests a gentle sense of urgency, but also provides the hosts with a clear date for when it is appropriate to begin contacting guests who have not replied. Be sure to set this date a few days ahead of the deadline for providing the caterers and other vendors with your final guest count, to give yourself time to track down those guests you haven’t heard from.

(And yes, it is perfectly appropriate to call or email guests who haven’t responded to your invitation in a timely manner. With a bit of finesse, this contact can be handled politely – and you can secure a more accurate guest count!)

The Abby invitation and reply card, in black ink.

One tip we like to offer our customers is to assign each invited family a number on your personal copy of the guest list. Lightly pencil these corresponding numbers in a tiny back corner of each reply card when mailing the wedding invitations. This way, if a guest returns the reply card, but forgets to write their name on it (this happens more often than you’d think!), you’ll have a sneaky secret for checking whose reply card you’ve received.

Knowing in advance that you’ll spend some time following up with “deadbeat” wedding invitees may help take the sting out of this irritating task. In the meantime, maybe we should start a Facebook campaign to change the general lazy attitude towards RSVPs?

Last week we gave you the basic skinny on the standard protocol for listing (or not listing) parents on the wedding invitation. But as with so many things involving weddings and major life events, “standard” rarely applies in the real world! To help couples navigate the potentially intimidating realm of wording a formal invitation, we’re starting a blog series to address some of the more common – and not so common – questions we get about handling non-standard situations.

So let’s start with a basic: Missy’s Mom and Dad are contributing to the wedding expenses, but Missy and Mason are pitching in where they can, and Mason’s parents are also footing portions of the bill. In any situation where the event’s “hosts” aren’t necessarily obvious, you can word your invitation to more appropriately reflect the contributions of those involved. Using the above example, Missy and Mason might opt for wording such as:

Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Michael Smith

Mason Geoffrey Adams

Another option for a similar situation is to leave the parents’ names off all together:

Together with their parents (or families)

Request the honor of your presence …

We find the choice between these two options is typically easy: Some parents really want to be on that invitation! Others don’t consider it crucial. Either option works beautifully to keep the focus on the real center of the event – the happy couple.

We counsel brides (yes, sometimes we feel like counselors!) every day on the best strategies for wedding invitation wording that reflects unique situations. One of the questions we frequently receive surrounds the traditional practice of listing the bride’s parents on the invitation, but not the groom’s.

A wedding invitation is just like an invite to any other party, where the hosts are the ones doing the inviting. Traditionally, even though the happy couple, the groom’s parents, and a cadre of friends and well-meaning aunties may be involved in the planning, the bride’s parents are the ones who foot the bill and, therefore, are considered the “hosts” of the wedding. As hosts, they are the ones listed as “requesting the honour of your presence.” It’s not a slight to the groom’s side, but rather a logical course of action.

Of course, in today’s world, the bride’s parents aren’t always necessarily the ones covering the lion’s share of the cost. And we very often see invitations where the groom’s parents or the couple themselves are listed as the event’s hosts. The decision is most practically determined by choosing to name the event’s host and leaving it at that.

But what’s a bride (or groom) to do if one set of parents (or a single parent) is paying and the other family is griping about not receiving some sort of “shout out” on the invitation? Rest assured, we’ve seen it all! We’ll start hitting on some of these potentially stickier situations on the blog next week – stay tuned!

Reply Card for the Amanda Couture Wedding Invitation

Believe it or not, back in the good old days, wedding invitations did not come accompanied with multiple accessory cards, such as the reply card. In fact, traditional etiquette still dictates that the proper manner in which to respond to a formal invitation is by handwriting your acceptance or regrets on your own formal stationery.

While we do appreciate the mannerliness of this traditional etiquette standard, the advent of the modern reply card has certainly made it easier for brides to ascertain an accurate head count. And if providing a reply card provides a helpful service to your guests, we think that’s the most mannerly thing to do!

But the typical format of this accessory piece often poses questions, especially for couples who haven’t seen a formal reply card until they get married themselves. The gold standard for reply cards is a version of:

M ………………………………………………….

……… Declines with Regret

The “M” provides a prompt for the guest to write either “Mr,” “Mrs,” or “Miss” and then their name and the names of any guests.

Now, at The Green Kangaroo, our customers tend to enjoy making their invitations their own! And we’ve created dozens of variations on the reply card; some falling in line with the “traditional” standard, and many offering entirely new takes on this accessory piece. To give you some inspiration, here are just a few examples of the creative ways some of our customers have approached the reply card:

1. A New Approach to Classic Etiquette

“Please respond by June 7, 2009” … followed by a blank space for guests to fill in with their own personal note.

A nod to the truly traditional handwritten-note approach, but with the modern twist of providing the note card and envelope for the guests!

2. Adapting Modern Manners

........... Will Not Attend

Eliminating the “M” and getting a bit more to the point is another popular style.

3. Getting Creative!

Replacing the staid “Will / Will Not Attend” with more creative language is a new trend that allows the couple to express their individuality.

............ Will be the first one out on the dance floor!

............ Will be missing all the fun

Next week, we’ll be providing you with a few insider-savvy tips and ideas to consider when designing your reply cards!

Newly married couples are very often blessed with mountains of gifts from friends and loved ones in celebration of their marriage. But it can be truly difficult to face writing a thank you note to each generous gift-giver, especially in the exhausted wake of throwing a wedding! To follow up on last week’s posting about thank you notes, here are just a few, specific, simple tips for keeping those notes from sounding as if they were copied straight from the back of your wedding planning manual:

Tip #1: Don’t just say thank you.

- “Thank you for the crock pot” is about as uninspired a line as they come! Tell the giver how much you look forward to trying out new recipes in the crock pot or reflect how much simpler it will make dinner preparations on busy work days. It’s so much more fun to give a gift when you feel the recipient truly appreciates it! And though this probably goes without saying, even if you’re less than thrilled with the item, received multiple versions, or have any other beef with the present, you still need to find something kind to say about it!

Tip #2: Recall a personal remembrance from the event.

- Let Aunt Eugenia know how lovely she looked in her lilac crepe pant suit and congratulate cousin Beau on his well-practiced dance moves. Referring to a personal memory lets the gift giver know how happy you were to have them there, even if you weren’t able to spend lots of time chatting with them at the wedding itself.

Tip #3: Wrap it up with a sweet sentiment.

- Closing your note with a thought on how much the givers’ friendship/support /thoughtfulness means to you is an excellent way to further personalize the note. Even if it’s not your style to be a sappy sentimentalist, expressing your feelings in your own manner will imbue the note with warmth and sincerity.

Allocate a sentence or two to each of these tips, and you’ll easily develop thank you notes that are personalized, warm, occasionally humorous, and all together a pleasure for the gift giver to read. And who knows, you just might find yourself enjoying this thank you note process after all!

Poppy Note Cards

As a true GRITS gal (that stands for Girls Raised In The South), my mama taught me at an early age that writing thank you notes was more than just a social nicety – it was an absolute requirement! Many women however aren’t raised by steel magnolias wielding Mont Blanc pens. Some gals are at a loss for how to deal with a mountain of wedding gifts and a blank stack of cards with their new married name engraved on the front. Fear not! Writing thank you notes, though a time-consuming task, can actually be enjoyable if approached carefully.

Rule #1: Do not attempt to write all thank you notes at once.

- Set yourself small goals, such as writing 5 notes each evening. Breaking the task into small, manageable chunks will keep you from getting burned out and will help your wedding day manicure last a bit longer.

Rule #2: Make it personal.

- The key to a lovely thank you note is to make it personal. By all means, avoid the temptation to copy one of those generic wedding thank you note templates off the Internet! Your guests will pick up on an impersonal, perfunctory tone. These people went to considerable time, expense, and effort to attend the wedding, not to mention purchase your gift, so honor that expression with a nod to your relationship with each person.

Rule #3: Keep it concise.

- Personal notes don’t have to be long! With the exception of dedicated wedding compatriots (like your maid of honor or your mom and dad), you do not have to write a treatise to each gift giver. Simply offer your thanks, make a few personal comments, and sign your name. 4-5 sentences should suffice for nearly all notes.

Next week, we’ll take a look at specific strategies to get your creative juices flowing and to keep each note from sounding like a word-for-word repetition of the other! In the meantime, we’ll leave you with inspiration for attacking those notes with some of our personal favorites from our note card gallery … enjoy!

Monogram Circle Stationery

Wildflower Bloom Stationery

Toile Stationery

Dogwood Note Cards

After featuring our new Preppy Monogram invitation on the blog last week, we started thinking about the questions that crop up when monogramming is considered for wedding stationery. Brides often wonder if it is appropriate (or even bad luck!) to use the new married initial prior to the wedding ceremony. Traditional etiquette considers the use of the bride’s new last name taboo until the vows have been read, but this is one area where we tend to disagree with the traditionalists.

In fact, one of our most frequently requested designs is this watermark monogram, which features a beautiful single initial behind the bolder text of the invite. The use of this design element is quite subtle, yet adds a striking level of sophistication that has made it increasingly popular with brides.

Since the purpose of the wedding is to celebrate the union of the bride and groom, we find it perfectly acceptable to use the couple’s future shared last name as a backdrop to the formal wedding invitation. After all, it IS the groom’s current last name, and the bride’s maiden name will be prominently listed on the invitation as well. We think incorporating the monogram as a design element in the wedding stationery is a lovely way to celebrate the upcoming union!

Of course, if you decide you don’t want to chance a visit from the bad-luck wedding fairies, there are alternative ways to use monogramming! The bride and groom’s first initials can be used alone for pre-wedding printing – and transformed with the addition of the new, shared last name for post-wedding/reception décor. You can check out some of the infinite monogram possibilities here in our monogram style gallery for inspiration – or let us know how you’d like to see your monogram!

I recently spoke to a bride who was s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d about getting her registry completed, though her wedding was still 12 months away. Turned out, she thought she needed to get it completed before her engagement party so the hosts could include her registry information on the invitation.

What?

Engagement parties are not – I repeat, not – showers. Gifts are not expected, or appropriate for engagement parties. The reasoning behind this etiquette standard is likely because traditionally, “engagement” parties were simply parties at which an engagement was announced as a surprise to the guests. Though this surprise factor is less common today (but such a fun idea!), the no-gifts policy remains in effect.

Now of course it is a possibility that a few people will bring gifts to the engagement party, and that is their prerogative. But brides shouldn’t feel pressure to get a registry together so early into the engagement (if the party is in actuality soon after the engagement).

If asked about your registry in advance of an engagement party, simply reply, “Oh please don’t feel like you need to bring a gift! We just want to get our close friends together to celebrate this time.”

And if a few guests do bring presents, by all means show the rest of the party due consideration and wait to open those gifts until everyone’s gone home. Or at least slip discreetly to a more private area, if the generous giver insists on seeing you open their present in person.

After all, your guests will be shilling out for a wedding present, not to mention a shower present (or two), on those forthcoming gift-giving occasions. So don’t jump the gun by expecting (or requesting!) gifts at your engagement party.

One of the most contentious issues in the world of weddings is the question of the Adults Only Wedding. If you’ve chosen this route, you’ll find scores of BAD ideas in any online search seeking advice on how to convey this event preference to your guests!

At TGK, we subscribe to the do-unto-others school of etiquette: it’s always best to err on the side of making your guests feel welcome. And you can still let your guests know that you prefer kids to stay home without resorting to total tackiness.

First, it’s not okay to inscribe “Adults Only” or “No Children” on your invitation. Such exclusionary language sets the wrong tone and takes the focus off of the event.

Traditional invitation etiquette dictates that the envelope be addressed specifically to the invited guests. While some dismiss this tactic as outdated and too subtle, we find that this simple solution is generally rather effective and addresses the issue with grace.

However, for brides looking to emphasize the point a bit more strongly, using the phrase “Number of Adults Attending” on the reply card eliminates the opportunity to rsvp for children at all.

It’s just a fact of life that no matter how clear you attempt to be, there will always be those few guests who just don’t get it. The best thing to do when faced with an uninvited guest of any age is to roll out the welcome mat, set an extra spot at the table, and silently chalk it up to bad manners on the guest’s part. As long as you maintain your graciousness, a minor glitch won’t overshadow the true focus of your big day.