The Green Kangaroo - Unique Wedding Invitations and Stationery

The Citrus Wedding Invitation’s printed envelopes, from our Frugal Collection.

You’ve figured out the complex nuances of wording your wedding invitation, and you’re ready to submit your order (finally!). And then you’re asked something you haven’t considered: What mailing address would you like printed for the invitation’s return address and for the reply card envelope?

Brides call us frequently for help with this question, wondering what is standard, appropriate, and if using Great Aunt Harriett’s address is (or is not) okay.

Typically, whomever is hosting the wedding is the one sending out the invitations, and therefore the one who’s address should appear as the return address on the envelope. For example, if the bride’s parents are the wedding’s hosts, the bride’s parents’ mailing address would appear as the return address.

However, practically speaking, the return address is used for the postal service to return the invitation if it is undeliverable. So it makes the most sense for the return address to be that of whomever will be handling getting a correct address for the guest and sending out a new invitation. This may be the wedding’s hosts, or may often be the bride herself – or even Great Aunt Harriett! Consider how you plan to manage the mailing of invitations and base your decision on what makes the most sense for you.

For your reply card envelopes (or reply postcards), the thought process is the same. Typically, whomever is hosting the wedding is the one receiving RSVPS, and therefore the one who’s address should appear on the response card envelopes. But again, the RSVP cards should be sent back to whomever will be keeping track of guest responses. Whether this is the bride, the groom, or another family member is entirely up to those planning the wedding!

In today’s hectic and harried world, the simple courtesy of responding to an invitation seems to have, for many, fallen into the “optional” category. Such an oversight may be merely an annoyance when you’re hosting an informal weekend barbeque. But for an event the size and expense of a wedding, you’ll find that getting an accurate headcount is a necessity; both for finalizing your contracts with your vendors as well as for ensuring the smooth progress of the entire event.

Etiquette (which is a fancy word for “common courtesy!”) suggests that it is appropriate to respond to an invitation the day it is received, or at least within a few days. Knowing that few people follow this guideline, most couples opt to put a “reply by” date on their wedding invitation response cards. This strategy not only offers guests a gentle sense of urgency, but also provides the hosts with a clear date for when it is appropriate to begin contacting guests who have not replied. Be sure to set this date a few days ahead of the deadline for providing the caterers and other vendors with your final guest count, to give yourself time to track down those guests you haven’t heard from.

(And yes, it is perfectly appropriate to call or email guests who haven’t responded to your invitation in a timely manner. With a bit of finesse, this contact can be handled politely – and you can secure a more accurate guest count!)

The Abby invitation and reply card, in black ink.

One tip we like to offer our customers is to assign each invited family a number on your personal copy of the guest list. Lightly pencil these corresponding numbers in a tiny back corner of each reply card when mailing the wedding invitations. This way, if a guest returns the reply card, but forgets to write their name on it (this happens more often than you’d think!), you’ll have a sneaky secret for checking whose reply card you’ve received.

Knowing in advance that you’ll spend some time following up with “deadbeat” wedding invitees may help take the sting out of this irritating task. In the meantime, maybe we should start a Facebook campaign to change the general lazy attitude towards RSVPs?

Last week we gave you the basic skinny on the standard protocol for listing (or not listing) parents on the wedding invitation. But as with so many things involving weddings and major life events, “standard” rarely applies in the real world! To help couples navigate the potentially intimidating realm of wording a formal invitation, we’re starting a blog series to address some of the more common – and not so common – questions we get about handling non-standard situations.

So let’s start with a basic: Missy’s Mom and Dad are contributing to the wedding expenses, but Missy and Mason are pitching in where they can, and Mason’s parents are also footing portions of the bill. In any situation where the event’s “hosts” aren’t necessarily obvious, you can word your invitation to more appropriately reflect the contributions of those involved. Using the above example, Missy and Mason might opt for wording such as:

Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Michael Smith

Mason Geoffrey Adams

Another option for a similar situation is to leave the parents’ names off all together:

Together with their parents (or families)

Request the honor of your presence …

We find the choice between these two options is typically easy: Some parents really want to be on that invitation! Others don’t consider it crucial. Either option works beautifully to keep the focus on the real center of the event – the happy couple.

We counsel brides (yes, sometimes we feel like counselors!) every day on the best strategies for wedding invitation wording that reflects unique situations. One of the questions we frequently receive surrounds the traditional practice of listing the bride’s parents on the invitation, but not the groom’s.

A wedding invitation is just like an invite to any other party, where the hosts are the ones doing the inviting. Traditionally, even though the happy couple, the groom’s parents, and a cadre of friends and well-meaning aunties may be involved in the planning, the bride’s parents are the ones who foot the bill and, therefore, are considered the “hosts” of the wedding. As hosts, they are the ones listed as “requesting the honour of your presence.” It’s not a slight to the groom’s side, but rather a logical course of action.

Of course, in today’s world, the bride’s parents aren’t always necessarily the ones covering the lion’s share of the cost. And we very often see invitations where the groom’s parents or the couple themselves are listed as the event’s hosts. The decision is most practically determined by choosing to name the event’s host and leaving it at that.

But what’s a bride (or groom) to do if one set of parents (or a single parent) is paying and the other family is griping about not receiving some sort of “shout out” on the invitation? Rest assured, we’ve seen it all! We’ll start hitting on some of these potentially stickier situations on the blog next week – stay tuned!

Reply Card for the Amanda Couture Wedding Invitation

Believe it or not, back in the good old days, wedding invitations did not come accompanied with multiple accessory cards, such as the reply card. In fact, traditional etiquette still dictates that the proper manner in which to respond to a formal invitation is by handwriting your acceptance or regrets on your own formal stationery.

While we do appreciate the mannerliness of this traditional etiquette standard, the advent of the modern reply card has certainly made it easier for brides to ascertain an accurate head count. And if providing a reply card provides a helpful service to your guests, we think that’s the most mannerly thing to do!

But the typical format of this accessory piece often poses questions, especially for couples who haven’t seen a formal reply card until they get married themselves. The gold standard for reply cards is a version of:

M ………………………………………………….

……… Declines with Regret

The “M” provides a prompt for the guest to write either “Mr,” “Mrs,” or “Miss” and then their name and the names of any guests.

Now, at The Green Kangaroo, our customers tend to enjoy making their invitations their own! And we’ve created dozens of variations on the reply card; some falling in line with the “traditional” standard, and many offering entirely new takes on this accessory piece. To give you some inspiration, here are just a few examples of the creative ways some of our customers have approached the reply card:

1. A New Approach to Classic Etiquette

“Please respond by June 7, 2009” … followed by a blank space for guests to fill in with their own personal note.

A nod to the truly traditional handwritten-note approach, but with the modern twist of providing the note card and envelope for the guests!

2. Adapting Modern Manners

........... Will Not Attend

Eliminating the “M” and getting a bit more to the point is another popular style.

3. Getting Creative!

Replacing the staid “Will / Will Not Attend” with more creative language is a new trend that allows the couple to express their individuality.

............ Will be the first one out on the dance floor!

............ Will be missing all the fun

Next week, we’ll be providing you with a few insider-savvy tips and ideas to consider when designing your reply cards!

Newly married couples are very often blessed with mountains of gifts from friends and loved ones in celebration of their marriage. But it can be truly difficult to face writing a thank you note to each generous gift-giver, especially in the exhausted wake of throwing a wedding! To follow up on last week’s posting about thank you notes, here are just a few, specific, simple tips for keeping those notes from sounding as if they were copied straight from the back of your wedding planning manual:

Tip #1: Don’t just say thank you.

- “Thank you for the crock pot” is about as uninspired a line as they come! Tell the giver how much you look forward to trying out new recipes in the crock pot or reflect how much simpler it will make dinner preparations on busy work days. It’s so much more fun to give a gift when you feel the recipient truly appreciates it! And though this probably goes without saying, even if you’re less than thrilled with the item, received multiple versions, or have any other beef with the present, you still need to find something kind to say about it!

Tip #2: Recall a personal remembrance from the event.

- Let Aunt Eugenia know how lovely she looked in her lilac crepe pant suit and congratulate cousin Beau on his well-practiced dance moves. Referring to a personal memory lets the gift giver know how happy you were to have them there, even if you weren’t able to spend lots of time chatting with them at the wedding itself.

Tip #3: Wrap it up with a sweet sentiment.

- Closing your note with a thought on how much the givers’ friendship/support /thoughtfulness means to you is an excellent way to further personalize the note. Even if it’s not your style to be a sappy sentimentalist, expressing your feelings in your own manner will imbue the note with warmth and sincerity.

Allocate a sentence or two to each of these tips, and you’ll easily develop thank you notes that are personalized, warm, occasionally humorous, and all together a pleasure for the gift giver to read. And who knows, you just might find yourself enjoying this thank you note process after all!

Poppy Note Cards

As a true GRITS gal (that stands for Girls Raised In The South), my mama taught me at an early age that writing thank you notes was more than just a social nicety – it was an absolute requirement! Many women however aren’t raised by steel magnolias wielding Mont Blanc pens. Some gals are at a loss for how to deal with a mountain of wedding gifts and a blank stack of cards with their new married name engraved on the front. Fear not! Writing thank you notes, though a time-consuming task, can actually be enjoyable if approached carefully.

Rule #1: Do not attempt to write all thank you notes at once.

- Set yourself small goals, such as writing 5 notes each evening. Breaking the task into small, manageable chunks will keep you from getting burned out and will help your wedding day manicure last a bit longer.

Rule #2: Make it personal.

- The key to a lovely thank you note is to make it personal. By all means, avoid the temptation to copy one of those generic wedding thank you note templates off the Internet! Your guests will pick up on an impersonal, perfunctory tone. These people went to considerable time, expense, and effort to attend the wedding, not to mention purchase your gift, so honor that expression with a nod to your relationship with each person.

Rule #3: Keep it concise.

- Personal notes don’t have to be long! With the exception of dedicated wedding compatriots (like your maid of honor or your mom and dad), you do not have to write a treatise to each gift giver. Simply offer your thanks, make a few personal comments, and sign your name. 4-5 sentences should suffice for nearly all notes.

Next week, we’ll take a look at specific strategies to get your creative juices flowing and to keep each note from sounding like a word-for-word repetition of the other! In the meantime, we’ll leave you with inspiration for attacking those notes with some of our personal favorites from our note card gallery … enjoy!

Monogram Circle Stationery

Wildflower Bloom Stationery

Toile Stationery

Dogwood Note Cards

After featuring our new Preppy Monogram invitation on the blog last week, we started thinking about the questions that crop up when monogramming is considered for wedding stationery. Brides often wonder if it is appropriate (or even bad luck!) to use the new married initial prior to the wedding ceremony. Traditional etiquette considers the use of the bride’s new last name taboo until the vows have been read, but this is one area where we tend to disagree with the traditionalists.

In fact, one of our most frequently requested designs is this watermark monogram, which features a beautiful single initial behind the bolder text of the invite. The use of this design element is quite subtle, yet adds a striking level of sophistication that has made it increasingly popular with brides.

Since the purpose of the wedding is to celebrate the union of the bride and groom, we find it perfectly acceptable to use the couple’s future shared last name as a backdrop to the formal wedding invitation. After all, it IS the groom’s current last name, and the bride’s maiden name will be prominently listed on the invitation as well. We think incorporating the monogram as a design element in the wedding stationery is a lovely way to celebrate the upcoming union!

Of course, if you decide you don’t want to chance a visit from the bad-luck wedding fairies, there are alternative ways to use monogramming! The bride and groom’s first initials can be used alone for pre-wedding printing – and transformed with the addition of the new, shared last name for post-wedding/reception décor. You can check out some of the infinite monogram possibilities here in our monogram style gallery for inspiration – or let us know how you’d like to see your monogram!

I recently spoke to a bride who was s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d about getting her registry completed, though her wedding was still 12 months away. Turned out, she thought she needed to get it completed before her engagement party so the hosts could include her registry information on the invitation.

What?

Engagement parties are not – I repeat, not – showers. Gifts are not expected, or appropriate for engagement parties. The reasoning behind this etiquette standard is likely because traditionally, “engagement” parties were simply parties at which an engagement was announced as a surprise to the guests. Though this surprise factor is less common today (but such a fun idea!), the no-gifts policy remains in effect.

Now of course it is a possibility that a few people will bring gifts to the engagement party, and that is their prerogative. But brides shouldn’t feel pressure to get a registry together so early into the engagement (if the party is in actuality soon after the engagement).

If asked about your registry in advance of an engagement party, simply reply, “Oh please don’t feel like you need to bring a gift! We just want to get our close friends together to celebrate this time.”

And if a few guests do bring presents, by all means show the rest of the party due consideration and wait to open those gifts until everyone’s gone home. Or at least slip discreetly to a more private area, if the generous giver insists on seeing you open their present in person.

After all, your guests will be shilling out for a wedding present, not to mention a shower present (or two), on those forthcoming gift-giving occasions. So don’t jump the gun by expecting (or requesting!) gifts at your engagement party.

One of the most contentious issues in the world of weddings is the question of the Adults Only Wedding. If you’ve chosen this route, you’ll find scores of BAD ideas in any online search seeking advice on how to convey this event preference to your guests!

At TGK, we subscribe to the do-unto-others school of etiquette: it’s always best to err on the side of making your guests feel welcome. And you can still let your guests know that you prefer kids to stay home without resorting to total tackiness.

First, it’s not okay to inscribe “Adults Only” or “No Children” on your invitation. Such exclusionary language sets the wrong tone and takes the focus off of the event.

Traditional invitation etiquette dictates that the envelope be addressed specifically to the invited guests. While some dismiss this tactic as outdated and too subtle, we find that this simple solution is generally rather effective and addresses the issue with grace.

However, for brides looking to emphasize the point a bit more strongly, using the phrase “Number of Adults Attending” on the reply card eliminates the opportunity to rsvp for children at all.

It’s just a fact of life that no matter how clear you attempt to be, there will always be those few guests who just don’t get it. The best thing to do when faced with an uninvited guest of any age is to roll out the welcome mat, set an extra spot at the table, and silently chalk it up to bad manners on the guest’s part. As long as you maintain your graciousness, a minor glitch won’t overshadow the true focus of your big day.

Last week we shared our thoughts on incorporating registry information into wedding invitations. While we consider this practice a major faux pas, it got us thinking about more etiquette issues surrounding wedding registries. Specifically, is it okay to provide registry information on a shower invitation?

A bridal shower is one of the only instances where it is OKAY to put registry information on an invitation. Since the tradition and main purpose of a bridal shower is to honor the bride-to-be with gifts to prepare for her new life as a wife, we can give the green light.

However, we much prefer the idea of including registry information on an accessory card tucked into the envelope to actually printing it on the invitation. An accessory card can also include a map or driving directions to the shower venue (always appreciated by guests) or can indicate additional special instructions (such as to bring a recipe say, for a kitchen shower).

Shower invitations are also much less formal than wedding invitations and very often incorporate language alluding to a gift theme. So in this case, it is certainly helpful to provide guests with guidance on where to purchase presents.

Ahhhh – the vagaries of etiquette!

While we like to consider ourselves modern gals, there are some new trends that we just can’t get behind. The practice of including registry or other gift preferences on wedding invitations is still a big no-no in our book.

“Now come on,” you might say. “Everyone knows that you’re supposed to give gifts at a wedding and aren’t we making things easier on our guests by providing them with our registry information?”

Nope. No way. Even on occasions when gifts are appreciated, or even expected, it’s just plain tacky to imply that you require guests to bring gifts as “admission” to your celebration. Weddings are an excellent example of “expected” gift-giving occasions. And while we can certainly appreciate the convenience of gift registries (a practice that my grandmother considered the height of bad taste!), etiquette dictates that references to our gift preferences must be carefully chosen and discreet.

That’s not to say you have to rely solely on word of mouth to clue your guests in to where to find your china pattern and sheet sizes. An excellent option for the modern bride is to include a dainty accessory card in the invitation packet guiding guests to your wedding Web site. (By the way, TGK is partnering with mywedding.com in the development of FREE wedding Web sites featuring some of our most popular design motifs! We’ll be blogging about this fun venture next week, so stay tuned… )

This strategy keeps the bridezilla-esque reference to gifts off the invitation while directing guests to a helpful resource for information on everything from hotel options and driving directions to–yes–registry information. Now if only we could find a tactful way to keep Aunt Louella from wrapping up that ugly swan vase as your wedding gift and passing it off as a “family heirloom” …

Wedding stationery is unlike any other mailed correspondence. Its uniqueness of design and packaging tells the recipient that they’ve received something special. Yet until I got married myself, I had never paid close attention to the individual packaging elements that actually make wedding invites so distinctive.

One of those atypical elements is the inner envelope. Originally used to protect invitations from dirt, water, and the eyes of messengers back in the days when correspondence was hand delivered, today the inner envelope serves a more social purpose. While the outer envelope is used for the guest’s name, address, and postage, the inner envelope is addressed simply with the names of each member of the household invited to your wedding. Formal etiquette dictates the use of surnames (last names) on both the outer and inner envelopes, but many brides today opt to employ last names on the outer envelope only and to use more informal–and more personal–first names on the inner envelope.

While this approach sounds stuffy to some, the key purpose of this social standard is to clearly indicate who is invited so that there is no confusion for your guests. For example, if you are choosing to invite a married couple but are not including their three children, you would address the envelopes as follows:

Outer Envelope: ‘Mr. and Mrs. Bartholomew Guilders’

Inner Envelope: ‘Mr. and Mrs. Guilders’ or ‘Bart and Bitsy Guilders’

And if you did want to invite the children, the inner envelope would read:

‘Bart and Bitsy Guilders’ on the first line and ‘Betsy, Tacy, and Tibb’ on the second line.

Inner envelopes differ from outer envelopes in additional subtle ways. The outer envelope is slightly larger than the inner envelope (making it easier to stuff). The inner envelope does not have any sealing gum/glue on its lip (because it’s not necessary to seal it) nor does it bear a return address on its back flap (since it’s not being mailed on its own).

At TGK, we include inner envelopes in the cost of all invitations. And for brides who want to spice up their envelopes with patterned designs coordinated to their invitations, we can do that too! The envelopes shown above are embellished in this way to complement our Josie invitation. To try out and price this option, simply click on the ‘Design Extras’ tab within any of our invitation product pages.